im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize