ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
