So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
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