I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
