Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
