her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
