woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
me + whiskey = a bad person
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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