whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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