I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
