my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
