I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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