theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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