she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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