I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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