Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
