Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
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So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
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In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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