No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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