Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
