I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Actions speak louder than pants.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
