How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
