so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
