My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
