After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
