You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
