a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
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So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
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Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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