sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
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her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
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He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.