The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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