Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
