apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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