She's JV to your varsity
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
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