i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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