I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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