Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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