I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
