cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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