Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
