Got a toothbrush?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
