Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
