Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
