she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
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Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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