just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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