booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
