I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
