I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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