Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
