Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
