i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
