All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
