quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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