Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?Â
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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