Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
We left an ass print on the piano.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
