i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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