That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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