im drinking this country out of the recession.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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