I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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