I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
