Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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