Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
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