Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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