he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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