She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
