OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
